" I'm leaving the one im suppose to take. "

somethings keeping me up all night for the past nights. something is bothering me. it sends shivers from head to toe. and its costing my nights rest and sleep. i`ve been sleeping late. late as in real late. sorry bf for not tellin. and the most funny part is that im not gonna be that tired the day after.

im distracted, disturbed perhaps. by idunnoewhat.

i want this feeling out of me. as much as i wanna let it all out i cant. cause i myself dont know whats tearing me apart. no, i dont have any problems currently. none wih the boyfriend. none with the girlfriend and none with my other friends. at least that is what i tell myself.

maybe its a phase? or a joke?

maybe people are watchin me through the thin glass of the tv screen lauhging at my every despair or happiness and seeing that actually, my life is nothing more than a big series of episodes that goes on and on and its growing on people. and its the next lost/oc/csi or whateverfamousshow you have on the telly.

i miss my yayi. seeing old men and women walking past, struggling through life, makes me want to see him again for the many "very last time" before he goes.

this very bad feeling is well, spreading. something bad is going to happen. the feeling is horrible. i dont want to lose anyone. at least not yet or not ever.

please go away. i dont need you right now whoever or whatever you are. please make yourself known and in every way, i'll try my best to get rid of you. and maybe when next time comes, the time where you decide to come popping by again trying to pull me deep into an ocean full of nothing other than misery, i know i`ll be ready to take you head on or just try to let you slip by. cause i know it wont be the first nor the last time i`ll have to go through you again.

i`ll try to run and hide. in any means nessessary. but i know you`ll manage or will find me somehow.

but for now, go away.
im unstable. will explode or just go astray at any moment.
i need the whole of myself, to get back on my two feet.
once done, i need to find myself so as to go back from where i left off at the time you came and destroyed the shield made around me from things like you.