"Its not reality, but merely an illusion of dreams."

hmmm. howe do i describe what im feelin nowe. uhm. cant sae its totally great. cant sae im totally down. heh. but im sumwhat so-so? i dunnoe if im missin alot on lyfe. cus ive been sittin my ass at homiies, doin basically nuthin. yep nuthin. watchin tha sayme movies over n over. n insomnia is stricking mie again. n again. evrynyte. bleahs. but nvm. funny thing is. i dun feel tired wen i haf late nytes. n i mean, really late.

so what im thinkin ryte nowe is what i have n am puttin myself thru fer tha past months, or days, or hours. i dunnoe what im doin. seriously. whyd in tha ferst place did i try to think tht somethin, mayb sparks could happen. heh. im gonna really try to be frank n open in this blog. thats y classify this as a public blog. its my blog. n my problem if i wanna diss some bitch or some ass i see on tha streets or mayb tha person opposite tha computer screen. but one thing im jus gonna ask fer those readers of ma blog to keep it to oneself n not spread ard. cause then, i'll be really shuttin my self away from you.

so back to tha sparks. uhm. again, what was i thinkin?! definately there was somthin back then. but nowe? heh. mayb. i still haf. still haf tha feelins of makin maself jus fall. but not fer eternity. but only at tht moment. guess i was caught in tha moment. im just, just tryin to accept what is laid down fer mie to do. n if it was nvr meant to, thn its not. seriously. im not that sorta gurl whod cry overnytes fer weeks over a breakup. mayb i used to. but hey! theres alwaes sumone else out there. hopefuly someone better. we're always asked to experience new grounds. new people. new evrythin. i think, theres gonna be somthin. n mayb, things will b as its suppose to be. n happyness n love will b at there wit mie. but on the other hand. it couldnt, if fate is bein mean. like again.

mayb im too 'nice'. too nice to people whom im not close wit. n jus help thm wit evrythin. seriously. n to let mie b played by two fer two tymes? two tymes? if u get wht i mean. if u dont thn its not ma bad. i shouldve known but this tyme it seems different. it jus seemed to be. n it felt so. heh. watever it is. i noe fer this one. im not gonna b tha ferst one to be askin fer tha 'breakup' heh. jus dun wanna do tht. i feel tht watever goes ard, will come ard n haunt me back soon enuff. yea. thts ma belief. went thru it a couple of tymes already.

jus tht. i dunnoe wat im goin thru ryte nowe. i need reassurance from you. where im standin if u get what i mean. dun think u're gonna read this but hey! what tha heck ryte. time will heal all wounds i guess. n i hope tht absence wont make my heart grow fonder till tha ryte tyme comes around fer mie. heh.