I am fucking annoyed. I am still fuckingly annoyed. Time & time again you proved yourself worthy of my bad judgments, and time & time again i gave you the benefit of the doubt (countless of times, i might add).
This thing, happened too many times before. I know people go behind peoples back. But people should have a basic level of TRUST between each other of what to be kept between what is shared and what is meant to be public ESPECIALLY if you have a history.
Be it the situation to be for one who wants to get into the good books of the other or simply just be a grave digger in other peoples lives cause well, thats is what they live for sadly or best yet to get the upper hand among ones circle of friends. the feeling is as though you're on top of the world cause you have something your friend dont and for this instance is "information". & you'll get to have your own mini celebrations and inside jokes in your head cause hey! you are one step ahead of the other. self-satisfaction much?
But if purely your friendship is based on any of the circumstance listed above, its not really called a friendship isn't it? but if for instance ones definition of friendship is to be based on deceit and lies, bitching and contravasies then maybe I am not really up to date and going on with the times, am I not?
& trust is on the line for every situation that one decides to stirr up. but if TRUST is just another word in their dictionary, one should learn to not be so close and depend ones life on this person, am i right? Fine if you know me well enough i will forgive you, eventually. But for that period of time, you are just like any other soul passing by me in this overpopulated city. and forgetting is something i will not do, sorry. I'll forgive but i refuse to forget.
The good thing I notice you'll get from all this drama and hype is that you'll get to put together the pieces of people into one big piece, one big picture, their whole personality, what one have grown out to be throughout this time and it sucks even more if you have known them for ages. And then you'll know where their loyalties lie, whether they'll stick up to you at the end of the day or just continue what they do best cause hey, the whole world revolves only around them.
But at the end of the day, i blame myself. I blame myself for letting me to get bitten too many times on the same spot by same person and making me have many other string of judgments for people who are not suppose to be blamed cause you make them look bad too through all your hype. I blame myself for giving people chance after chance after chance, after i don't know how many benefits of the doubt cause somehow, somewhere inside of me i know they're capable of something better and that maybe they'll realise all these is just high school luggage brought forward. I blame myself cause i am incapable of just living my life by the phrase "Sometimes letting go is the only way". There is so many things for me to learn, for sure one is the art to let go.
The aftermath of all these is messy, really messy. Will I pick up the pieces and put them back together knowing that eventually one day it will be shattered on the floor again? Honestly, I dont know. But knowing how I am and how i function, i probably would. But maybe it is about time that I took a new step forward which is to walk away and never to walk back at the same path.
