" Memories consume and i thank you. "

it felt good yesterday. too see his sms half way thru my sleep. heart-warmin and nice. though i know im the one who initiated it. but i need to feel good and happy before my malay paper dont i? and it felt greatt to know he replied. wit all those oh-so-cutesy words. hee. nvm. =P

malay paper was okyy. i did the karangn q3 befo. soo its like a story repeatin itself all over again. and i did the letter ritin cara senarai kann. not what cikgu azizah taught but i just wanted to take a risk. she said it was not advisable to do as senaraikan, but who cares. i still got the november paper dont i? bahagian c was crap but still do-able i guess. heh. if i got a grade 3 or 4 i'd be a jumpin wierdo. hahs. such accomplishmnt.

well, after skewl headed to central. nthin intrestin till kuan li smsed mie askin bout the bloggin thin. trust me, i dint join. i dint intend to. i thought by keepin silent and not givin harold goh a reply would tell him that i wasnt intrested but kuan li said my name was in the list. i was like wtf? you serious?

thn my babes came over. watched the house of wax. all were lie screamin screamin. =P we dint like. specially the part when someone peeled jake's skin whn he's waxed. n he teared! and also whn that bloody guy snipped off that gurls finger. freakkkey. hah. we set aside another day amytivill horror. too much horror flicks are no good. hahas.

so dad kept on sayin bout some tuition shitt. and i hate it when parents bring the 'u-must-study' subject up. its a pain to the ear.

i feel that things are happenin kinda wierdly these days. i dunnoe. sometimes i feel like shitt and sometimes i dont. hatred do build up insyde. to people unlisted.

i needd someboddy.

" Embrace the unexpected. "

soo, bloggin has be a bore. nothin much to update about. its pretty much boring lahh. and tmr is mother tongue o levels! hahas. gees. its sooo fast mann.

and and and i slept fer 15 + 2 hrs on friday. cool ryte? i slept from 5 pm to 8 am. it was a well deserved sleep. it felt so right. so nice. so luxurious. hahas. and i slept another 2 hours on saturday. wen mum asked me to study fer malay. i openeed tha book and fell asleep. nice nice. hahas.

phreewww. im tired and sleep n evrythin else lahh. so toodless. =)

" Sometimes, the best thing you can do is to let him go. "

will i? let him go? myb. i guess so. i dunnoe. i sometimes find that i myself m unpredictable. i do the most unsuspected things. and i find it cool. hahas.

so had ptc just now. i thought mum will go against me but noo. haha. she was like sayin to miss chin that tha tchers are to b blamed. bad bad tchers. like, totally.

im just dead bored. evrything i do now is like malay malay malay. and im like banded from usin computer. haaaaa. nvm lahh. i have my ways. *evil laughh*

im bored. lifes bored. sighhh. i wanna fly awaaayyyy. aeroplaanees are coooll.

and happy burfdae FREAK! bhahahhaha. and a belated burfday to my dearie PHAT!

he cutt his hair. mohawk style. not undercutt. and its totally HOTT. i meant he's lookin TOTALLY HOTT. ahhh. why'd you hafta be soo cute?! geees. hahas.

" I need love.

Like a hand needs a glove

Like push needs shove

Like below needs above. "

soo, i had a fun fun weekend. sort of fun. can be fun kind of weekend lahh. im sickk. really sick. im sick of constantly coughin. my heart hurts, like hell. sighhh. so i'll just give a brief detail of evrything yea?

fridayy, wenta watch star wars episode III . tha show is cool. but it gets boring when they start talkin talking. went with phat ham mai qs kai li and mr joe. and me and mai sat together. so we were like laughin2 cause so boring and the robots voices were like crap. hahas.

thn after that we played arcade fer awhile. blablabla. thn they went off. i met rafie fer a while. so long dint see him ard. thought of slackin ard with him but i gotta go. sighh, but it was nice seein him. =)

thn on saturday, headed to town with mai jaz and phat dearie. hahas. it was fun fun fun. walk walk walk. played played played. like that like that lahh. shan wasnt therr. awww. sad sehh. surf stuffs are so darn hott. im in love. saw mirza on the way ther. sighh.

thn got home ard 5 plus. all were tired already. thn wenta module class. it was freezing. makes me more sick. at nighteys wenta east coast to have dinner. wasnt nice. felt pukey.

todayy, had class at kembangan. ther were like 8 ppl. all i dont know except for whatsername and mirza. the rest are al unknowns. hah. n we gotta like chiao by 1230. and wen we were about to go off, cikgu said like ' lets take an hour break. she and him gotta go. [me n mirza] the rest if u wanna go off too can also. ' in malay lah. thn he added, 'taulah bdak2 remaja skarng, nk gie boyfren girlfren. ' the way he said it was as though i and him made plans to hang out gituu. sheeshh. nooo. neverr.

thn mum n dad fetched. wenta grannys place. thn fetched em thn wenta ptp for luch cum dinner. it was nice. but the place was borin. thn got home. n im gettin worse. my health that is.

and i have yet to tell my parents bout my screwed up results. darn it. urghhh.

malay 0s are like next week. shitts, gotta buck up.

and i miss that guy. alot. sick? tired? busy? you? hah. you're such a fantastic liar. liar liar, hey dude! your pants on fire!

" He doesn't know who i am. He doesn't give a daym about me. "

soooo, i've been having this 'heck care' attitude. and i tend to get fucked up quickly but will be hyperly hyper the nxyt. dont ask.

well, for my wonderful SA1, i failed four out of seven subs. fantastic aint it? seriously horrible. and i scored a spot for my parents in either the principal or v.p's busy busy schedule. sighhh. okayy, i will give you the summary of the grades only.
english - 5. maths - 6. science - 8. humans - 7. malay - 6. amaths - 9. bio - 8.

seee! my sciences are all corrupted. so are my maths and languages. haha. nevermind lahh. its OVER. will not cry over spilled milk. haaa. and you wanna know how much i got for amaths paper 1?! i got like 8 out of 80. hahas. cool huh? and i've noticed something for this SA, my second papers tend to pull my grades up. hahaha. cool uhh. i like~

u must be thinking why this gurl is still happily laughin and happily sayin all this when she have failed like 4 subs and no Bs or As. well, my answer is, i dont care. its over lahh. now al i can do is persevere hard to overcome any obstacles ahead. cheyyy. well said nisa, well said.

sooo, tmr gonna watch star warss. wohhooot. thn saturdae gonna go jalan2 wit jazz mai n phat to check out hottie SHAN. ahhhh. [hoTTTT!!]

and tonight theres my dearie adam bbrooddyyy! ahahha. cute lah deyy. adam oh adam. geees i think m goin bonkerss.

and i miss him like shitts. but it fades from time to time. i try not to think. but that seem to be really, impossible. sigghhh. =( will any guy who is always in black and is the exact replica of mr twiggy please appear right before me so that i can fall in love wit you straight away and you will be feel the same too. ohh please.

mayb i should get a cloning machine. get his DNA. thn chnge a lil bit here and ther. thn i get twiggy no. 2! haha. thn make him fall in love with me forever. if i ever get sick of him i can just switch the power off. if i miss him, i'll switch him on! hahahahah. cool lahh. one day nisa will accomplish this dream of cloning mr twiiggy and she will get not a 6th floor dude, but a 10th floor dude. wanna know whyy? cause he'll he ryte in my house 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. hahahaha.

and to my dearie, phat-ta-bomba! ahahah. its not the end of the world. u fail 4 i fail 4. together gether, we failed 4! ingt tau. what i said in tha sac to u jaz and mai. if our results trok gini, we go together gether take same course in ITE. at least got fren fren. and you should read that book. when you fail, you gotta fail happily. =P

[[note to kidds younger thn me readin this bloog : please please dont follow my attitude or my ways of last minute studyin. its a no-good habit okayys. u should nvr ever folloe it. u should nvr follow but you can still continue lookin up to me, ifi was ever you so called mentor. ahaha.=) ]]


gu gu ga ga gumms. haaas. =)

" You set the trend. Now, these eyes wont even look any further. "

saw the person i wanna see for like soo long. but its hard to take it all in when he just walks past as though you dint even exist. trust me, its hard. he dint see me. i wanted to call him out but something inside says its not a good idea. he was wit his friend. so?

but its hard. after so long of going mia and the things which i know is true hitting over and over again. do you care? i doubt so. now i know why its hard to fall for someone or evn have something goin on wit the person who is apparently, your neighbour. why? if all good things are gonna come to an end, you cant avoid bumping into him in either ways. its gonna come ard by hook or by crook and to face reality isnt pretty. no it isnt.

ryte after you walked past with the new look, i felt empty. tears welled up in my eyes. i cant cry ther. no i cant. people would think im crazy. crying for no reason. sighh. and what makes it worse when the song 'i can make it through the rain' was aired. fuck. and it was rainin. tough luck. mayb one day.

i feel horrible.

well, enough of him. so i did terribly hooribly for my fucking english. bloody tcher. managed to pass wit a grade 5 but still, its horrible. gotta buck up fer englishh. i passed malay, fortunately. all because of listenin compre which pretty much covered up all my failing scores. at least, i passed. so i hope i'll pass my other subs. just prayin so. sighh.

im fallin sick. due to the weather? i guess so. its gettin chilly these past few days.

im chngin skins again. i feel like shifting but i dunnoe.

"Let me walk on high wire of rusty nails
While barefoot shedding the flesh of our existance "

soo, nothin much to update about. still the same ol same ol stuffs. headed to granns yesterday. still nothin much.

uhmm, read nuraz's entry. all are true. i mean, its kinda related. sighhh. things are goin haywire. to be specific, im goin haywire wit his non-existant nature. i know somethings up. i now somethin "new" came up. but im not talkin. never will. until u come back. but it all depends if i will ever open up ever again. all i can say is that, i thought u were different but you're the same like evry other and that you drew me deep into your oh-so-sweet words and now u left me hangin.

no one knows what im goin thru. friends think im doin great. but im not. totally heart shatterin. you guys dont know. will never know cause i will never pass this burden.

life is crap. life is pretty much shittified. with people starin at me for no good reason. the funny thing is its gurls who are staring as though i owe them bigg. pleassse.

anyways, dad dint send me to ecc just now so met up that mirza. full or irritance and sarcasm. sheesh. but not complainin. class was okay, i guess. wasnt in the mood to dress nice or whatsoever. i dunnoe. dressin down is fun. for me. who cares abt what ppl think.

nothing last forever. i know. no one is true. no matter how much shitified the person im close to is, still, i stick ard. why? afraid of losin? maybe. cant say im not happy that we got back but things nvr chnge. taking advantage was more like it since we're back. for a friend they will say. but how much do i want to give away, to give in? and till when? forever?

sighh. ive been editin profiles lately. just out of boredom and sick of waitin for a miracle to happen. which nvr did existed in this world.

i'll be living life without it.

*- bruises fade but the pain still remains the same.

" So much to keep me reminded. Sorry that i've fallen.

I just cant help myself. "

soooo, its almost the end of the papers! yes! all that i could conclude from all the papers are that english, maths, amaths paper 2, bio and humans are managable. not sayin i can score nicely but a pass would be satisfyin enoughh. =)) malay amaths paper 1 and science are, uhhh, can say im totally clueless lahh.

andd today was a day break from all those remorseful fact-i-fied books. geeees. went to town wit phat! her again! hahaha. suppose to be me phat zu oda anah mai and fina. fyn couldnt make it cause er mum dun let her, anah was lazy, zu saket pinggang, mai saket tekak, oda - i dunnoe. hahas. so ended up bein me n phat only.

we dropped off at sormeset. wenta cathy to get famous amos cookies. thn walked around. too many people in black. sighhh. why cant the person always in black, the one i wanna see, be right ther in front of me?? this is killing me. you are killin me.

=(

so wenta fareast. saw my LIVING DEAD DOLLS and also my LITTLE APPLE DOLLS. they are so wickedly cute mann! darn it! i want em. now, i want the LITTLE APPLE DOLLS more thn LIVING DEAD DOLLS. hahs. seeeee~

nyce kann? alahaiii. solid mann. i'll post a clearer picture sooon. =D

and then, we wenta pacific plaza. tha surf stuffs are hott! and that wakeboard is soo gonna be mine by the end of this year. hahas. im soo in love wit surf stuffs. sheeshh. cant wait to make my own buck. sighhh.

anyways, we got back to tamps. walked ard the oh-so-boring tm. suddenly mai n zu rang mie up and told us that she saw us. so the cekik the darah man. nvm nvm. and we took neoprints. =D

sigggh, got home, theres still no sight of him. really needta get things off my chest. gotta tell that dude. gotta know whats goin on. been gettin too emo these days. been thinkin too much. sigh. someone help?

i miss the old times.

so thats it lahh. nuthin much. still the same thing over and over. im soo leadin a miserable life.

" I'm quiet, you know. You make a first impression. "

i try to black it out, black you out. but it kept on playin and replayin and re-replayin. sighhh. im so dead. darn dead. like, extremely. its like totally killin me. your non-existance nature. just another ryte? i know i know. carry on so i can move on. tit for tat. you not for me. mayb some time in future maybe not. nobody knows.

reverse psychology? mom says im good at it. use it at an advantage? i havnt got the foggiest. i know, i use it. dont know what it means?

well, it means - a method of getting another person to do what one wants by pretending not to want it or to want something else or something more.

its a thing of the mind. not of the heart. ahh yes, the heart. used to respire and its wher emotions are caught up, clogged, free-d. the complications of pathways valves vessels, all in less the a few seconds. the wonders of him to create this heart. shall be grateful.

im dead meat fer all my sciences. thats for sure. thinkin n i know i'll get a grade nine. from 3 to nine. such great difference. now, i can only wait fer a miracle. sighh.

life as u can or cannot tell, have been in disarray. cause of it. . . . cure to it . . . . figure it outt. got brains dont you. use it.

sooo, tomorrow headin outs with the babes. thn monday tooo and next thursday tooo. if theres tickets, catchin starwars wit mr jo and the normal 206 cliques! wheeee. just like old timmess. cant wait cant wait.

so till next. shoooo~!

" For you are, always, on my mind. "

sighh. this is crap. im feelin crap. you? i hate it when love or infactuation or crushes or whatever in that part comes into life and play around.

i will get emotional. toooo emotional. but nobody knows. nobody cares. so why should i ryte?

sighh. phy paper was crap. so not givin a daym bout it.

still have yet to study for chem and maths paper 2.

i wonder how im gonna pull through for thursday paper. amaths and bio. o wow.

you know what? i thought simply that *things are different. things can chnge. but still its the same stuffs repeatin. same as evrything else. just the SAME.

yeah, talk is cheap. talk all you want lah. but i prefer if you dont cause the moment you open your mouth, its gonna get to my heart. and the last thing i want is those words to get to my heart.

sigghhh.

I feel your touch every night,
Cold as it may be,

It feels warm to me.
It hurts and i fall
I stumble and crawl back to you.
You have no heart,

You will never love.
With one frozen touch,

I take so much in.
With one cold day,

I sit and pray,
That you are true and that I love you.

" i feel distant "

yeah, im feeling distant. with you-should-know who. maybe he is just busy. yup yup. he's busy. he must be. he gotta be. nevermindd.

and soo, ss paper was okay. the sbq was crap. something bout housing thing in hing kong. and i guess my heart got the best of me cause i felt terribly horrible when they made caged houses for elderly people. yeah. i kinda wrote like, " this definately shows that the government dont care about their people because they treated the people live in caged homes like animals in cages waiting to be slaughtered in the markets. " hah. dont assk me why i wrote that. too extreme? i guess so.

so yest had tuition but for half an hour only since she was sick at the last hour. so i met up wit phat, wenta get that bio book thn bumped into adil. well, i have got nothin more to say.

got home, thn had module class next. learnt bout hari kiamat. and the lightest denda for the a dosa is that they gonna put your leg insde boiling water till ur brain mendidih. heh. scary.

at night. played com till like 9.30. i wasted 2 whole hours doin practically nothing. so called mai up and we talked talked talked. and this is what we have concluded - she drives me nutt and i drive her nutts but we're still siuman. org yg kater kiter tak siuman is they themselves yg tak siuman. hahas.

anyways, today had tuition at kembangan. well, nuthin intresting happened though. still the same ol same ol stuffs.

tmr is geog. and i stil have loads to cover. sighh.

and i've been wastin a plentiful amount of time editing pictures out of boredom and also doin some deviant art viewing and hoppin. loadsa nice pics. sure gonna do it up fer next blog skinn.

if i have the time.

i will get through this week.

i can.

and i will.

haaa. hopefully.

you can pull through. heh. thats what they all say.

and its not even o levels!

bloody hell.

nvmm.

" Shape of my heart. "

mom bought for me a whole packet of rocher praline! whooshh! insyde has ard 7. big big huge chocolatess. ahhh. all for my consumption and for me to indulge while im studyin.

dint u read my previous entry?

im gonna stuff n stuff things into my mouth till my body can take it anymore it'll explode into minute pieces tht only the microscope is used to view the cause of my unnatural death. haha.

wait, unnatural is double n or single n? hmmm.

n if i knew my tutor aint comin todae, i should have slept. im soo gonna have a long night tonight.

not fergetiin 0c is also airing tonight. haaa. can always say im studyin. well, hope the crap gets insyde ma head.

so ss tmr. prepared? uhhh, nope. all i know is merger and seperation. and chpt 4, i only know bout the external factors. hahas. cool aint it. this is SA nisa, SA!!! i have never been not prepared for any SAs! hah!

and and and twiggs called just now. heee. huge huge huge gigantic grins. bahaass.

one liners are cool. dont you think so? well, i do. haha.

and and, i neeed , MUST see a plane fly off each nyte before i sleep. seriously. i NEED to, thn i can have a peaceful beutiful night's sleep. zZzZz. wierd huh?

and the flame on lighter is fascinating. seriously it is! its sooo dtailed! nisa, world is goin to suffer from major oxygen loss if people like you exist in this world! haha. well, too bad, i already am living and existing!

haha. i think i just talked to maself.

nvm. toodles.

" Much Help Needed. "

phwee. im tired. mentally. physically. whatever shitts lahh. seriously i am. and to think social studies paper is on friday and i DONT HAVE TIME! not i dont want to or im too tired, but i DONT HAVE TIME! believe that man. well, being tired and lazy is only part of it. lets see, tmr im gonna have tht bloody tuition who's desperate fer $$. tonight, im headin twards kembangan. will be back home ard 930. by the time i reach home, i'll knock out already. hope i can pull through. haa. wher is that dude when i need him man. shesssh. okay, nisa, he cant be your evrything ryte? urrghh. but he nvr leaves, thats the thing!

Parents dont get it. My tutor dont get it. She gets fucked up when i cant make it for her last-minute-i-can-make-it tuitions. daym fuck up. she thinks shes the only one in this bloody world that has a freaking schedule. for god's sake, i have one too okay. and its tedious. no one can work like you or huever. i can only take it that much amount. no use you talkin to me, thinkin evrything absorbs. and all my parents wanna do is to make her happy. gosh. what about me? i know i hadta give up things this year, you cant be that unreasonable to take evry fuckin thing that holds the key to my freedom and happiness away. id rather die then go through this shitt.

eyryone's different. yes, i know. so? im not like them. im sick of being pushed ard by parents and huever "unlisted" people. the last thing i want know is another breakdown. the next one is gonna be worse. urghh. i hate life now. they think its easy but its not. people tend to take advantage and think that things are as before. well guess what? its not. no matter how well things are goin on ryte now, i dont like what you're puttin me through. and its a bloody pain. and yeah, you may see me smiling, like forever. but you dont know. and you'll never know. life's a bitch. and people in it aint that oh-wow-wheee great either.

all i want know is a break.

i need him. no one else.

does he care? why is he constantly MIA and come back with sweet evrything?

its killing me.

dont you realise that?

get me a new life, please?

while you're at it, if the above cant be possible,

then, get me through this year as painlessly as possible, please?

sighh.

i shall indulge whatever in sight till i get bloated and burst out in lil bloody many tiny pieces.

and you'll now how gruesome it is to be me.

and i will watch from above to see who bloody ass cares about his fucking me.

will it be you, you or you?

or worse still, no one.

but who cares ryte?

im DEAD anyway.

so? parents will moan and moan. cry and cry. waste tears on the death of their dearest daughter.

yeah, whatever.

cant you guys see that the things that are planned out for me, piled up on me is takin its toll?

i hope you guys arent stupid enough to believe that i shall indulge till i get bloated ryte?

well if you did, stupid you.

indulging is a bliss.

and his talks are my cure.

seee, im goin bonkers.

oh bummer.

Whooosh. =)




Glitsy Gurls. Hee, jaz oh jaz.



This pic is dark. dont like. Next!



Look at umairah. She looks stunning in this pic. Dont you agree?