Loving you is hating you

I love you so much, what can I do?
When I sit here alone, all I can think of is you.
I'm jealous of a girl, you should know who, 
She's with you all the time no matter what you do. 
What's going to happen now? I can't stand the pain, 
Seeing you and her together is driving me insane. 
I really hope you don't dump me, I hope you leave me in your heart. 
And if that's asking too much, I'll be torn apart. 

jus hope u no howe it feels.. im still part of u arent i?

i very da very lazy ta updaty ma bloggy... keke.. but wad ta do.. again special request frm ma budd.. --> impx!!haha.. so ermm.. on tuesdae... had tuition.. found out she cant teach mie no more!! yopeedoo!!!! hahahahaha... den wed had dis crystal thingy againy.. gotta redo all ova again... cwaps... so hanged around till like 6 plus.. watched da interhouse game thingy... quite lame actually.. keke.. thn at nitey.. mie zu n mei mei wenta help ivor n yq do dis project thingy.. haha.. mi n yq had sum 1 on 1 talk.. n its fun... lolx... n went hume ard 1045... lolx.. so tdae... ermm.. tdae was really a sleepy dae manx... i slept halfwae thru english... gawd.. n guess wad.. sekhar tak marah ah babe!!! haha.. [tt mean tt sekhar dint scold].. lolc.... SS s usual is daym borin.. haha.. ecept tdae rashmi got dis gwep presentation.. so...mi radhz impx were spillin our probs n all.. mei mei was jus slackin one corner.. haiyo... so afta skewl..  suppose to play handball... but der were jus too many peeps in it.. we cant b bothered ta b in one... so ... we end up sittin.. n guess wad... tdae.. out of all da daes.. is da first tyme we really had a talk... hehhee.. i m sososos happy manxx!! really missed u.. n missed dos tymes last tyme!! i miss ya!! n so nowe... he has his own probs.. n he ask bout ma nick.. which is...
--> " you're makin mie fall fer u again.. dun cha noe that?? " <--
he asked mie bout it.. asked hu im fallin fer... i askedh im ta guess... n hie did.. n finally got da rite answer.. which was him.. hehe.. i was kinda crushed wen he said his scared that hell break ma heart n cus of tt he dun wan mie ta fall fer him.. but i tot of it... its kinda sweet u noe... at least he noes howe i feel... hehe.. but wadever! haha.. at least u noe!!! gawd... tt was easy.. to all ma frens out der.. its tyme to start spillin n not think of da negative effect.. gotta think positive!! hear that impx?!.. okay2.. ill shuttup nowie.. im off ta solvin problems.. hehe.. nisa da counseller to da rescue!!! haf no fear ya..

so tatas....

*muackx*
LOVE YA >>> u noe hu u r...

wow.. its been quite sum tyme since i updated yar? lazy lar... shud i rite down wad happened? lazy tau.. so muchie.. since last tuesdae sia.. lolx... k larhz.. so had dt fer da past week.. so sianz... die die die.. all my subs gona case sia.. cock up ah.. my phy i got 8.. can u believe it 8!!! 8 out of like 30?! omg!! haha.... i was laughin all da wae sia.. tcher gif paper also i laff... lolx.. thn my maths i got like 36?! 36 out of sixty?! die la.. confirm... da la my comb confirm gon.. malay gone.. english? haven took da paper yet arhz... thn a maths.. haha.. lolx.. da suda gone case..! n im gonna put da blame on dat daym bloody daym tall tcher!!! i hate u .. ur tchings sux mann... =P
so saturdae supposed ta haf cross country.. but it rained.. so it was postponed... n sumthin happened tt dae.. guess it jus pulled da trigger.. n i sorta break down on da spot.. jo n sum ncc guys saw.. malu2.. haha.. he asked mie y.. but i dun wanna tell =P its personal la.. but i guess its over.. i guess la.. sumhowe sumwher its still lingerin in da back of ma mind.. haiz.. thn on sundae had dis fun walk thingy... kinda lame la.. but fun fun la.. cus walked wit aisha azlina zaf zu rauda teddz n ivor... we were da last ones i gues.. afta tt had breakfasties... thn went home... kinda tireds so slept till 6 plus... at nite wenta ta ma grannies house which i totally regrets.. cus waited fe rmy mummy cum back frm mlsia till like 11? sleepy sia,.. so tdae.. did nuthin interestin.. except wenta hang oput wit ivor... dunnoe he asked mie ta think fer dis project thingy.. yada yada.. guess tts jus bout it larhz.. i really gotta buck up manx.. wel.. tt sums it all up.. leave it till here.. byyes... nite nites..
 
*muackx!*
try ma best ta take things easy n jus wait till its ma turn...
=)

weee...hmm... im on mc tdae!! haha... i was havin a fever... wad to do? haha.. da terjadi da... so lets get updated on wads been happenin.. ermm... k k..
 
SATURDAE:
i had dis arts nite thingy.. i told ma dad i was involved.. n said tt skewl provided da transport frm skewl ta spore poly.. hahaha... but actually its not true at all... so in da morn i had oral... =X die.. i dunnoe wad to sae sia.. werds i noe howe ta pronounce jus dint cum out rite.. but its over.. i can do nuthin bout it... afta tt slacked ard.. thn went back ta skewl n met up wif zu n impx... thn walked ard tm n all.. cus atiqah wanted to getsum clothes fer de arts nite... so tagged along..thn at round 2.. all of us went hume... thn got chnged..n went outs again to meet up impx.. n headed fer zus house... she did ma hair.. its nice.. thnx gurl.. n did impxs hair also.. we were kinda late.. cus supposed to b meetin ivor n yq at intrchnge at round 430 but reached der ats 5? haha.. luckily he wasnt mad or anithng... so while dey waitin fer da pharmasists to cum... wich was a very long long tyme.. we went ta take neoprints... its kinda nice actually... afta tt went ta meet atiqah at da control station... n we headed fer singapore poly.. we tot we were late.. we even wanted to get down from da train n take a ccab.. but its like a waste of caching caching...! haha... thn reached der.. saw loads of peeps... but luckily we came in time... n da door was not even opened yet.. phew~~ hahah... so me n da gals sat at da front row... nice2... first was band.. it was okay lar.. but was shocked ta c da sec ones playin.. cool man.. haha.. blablabla... thn was dk.. nice man.. he was so daym cute.. so was de others... n afif can really sing!.. nice voice! hasli sang too.. bet it was fer zuhaila... haha... well... gues stts jus a brief detail of wads happened... thn went home on da train.. i dunnoe y.. evrythime i haf a fever or wad.. tears will well up n ill strt to fall.. why y? anie scientifc xplanations anione? haha... i was sick on da train.. so we alighted da train... tot mayb he cud accompany me home.. but found out he was sick also wen i msged him.. so zu acc. mi to get mineral water... cus i brought along panadols..hehe... asked ma dad ta fetch mie home... ate sum porridge.. but i puked it all out not long afta tt... thn dint get aniepeacful nite sleep.. dunnoe y also.. so wenta c doc n he gave mi n mc.. cool.. so tdae.. meetin ma mummy... to do ma ic... n i still got da cultural thingy.. shit lars...! argh~~ k lah.. gtg nowe.. updatey more later yar... tatas..
 
 

wher did i leave u guys da last tyme...?? hmmm... o yar.. on mondae... 12 july rites?? haha... yups.. so lets get back in business....

hmm... so i guess things btw mie n him is okay already... at least i hope... watever la..so wad happened? hmm... its fer mie to noe n fer u to find outs... *winks* lolx... k k.. wad did i haf on tuesdae..hmm.... i got nithin actually except fer tuition.. so i slacked ard wit zu impx , fin rai n odz [dey now r a pack] haha... 3 by 3... lolx... so fina got mie dis balloon... whic saes happy burfdae sweet teen... its nice of her... n aizat got mie a teddy also... its sosososo quite.. n soft..!!!hehe.. thnks yar? haha... o later afta had tuition whic was daym borin n lame s usual... haha... im really sick of seein dat daym bloody ass tuition face mann... im SICK OF YOU!!!! so guess tts jus bout it fer tuesdae lar...

thn on wed...hmmm... wad did i haf..? o yar... i got tis chemistry crystal thingy.. haha.. mine n impx... dint grow nitin... haha.. poor us.. so end up we gotta redo n redo again.. lolx... but its fun doin loads n loads of it... hehe... irfan called mie tt dae.. i tink he accidently called... he called usin his house phone... he said..."hello.. rafie ader?..." i was like "hello? rafie? ermmm....."
thn he hung up... haha... so he called again.. i dint answer... impx did... she said that he said.." hello nisa........" sumthin sumthin la... thn impx hung up cus audrey tan took ma phone.. haha... thn saw him later in skewl.. cus he has ncc... lolx... thn saw da hockey lower sec... zu wanted ta play fer a wile.. but i duwan.. cus i dunnoe howe to play.. n da ncc boys was der.. malu tau.. haha... so talked to coach..haha... asked him wether can bring home da hockey sticks... i brought home mine.. but din getta find zus.. haha... afta tt wenta intrchnge... actuallie first wenta popular... afta tt wenta spotlight... thn.. we went home.. haha... so i guess tt sums it all up fer wednesdae la...

thn o had a very sucky thursdae... i was daym pissed off mann... wit ma dad... i was daym tired on tt dae... i was suppose to haf tuition in da noon thn afta tt got anuther amaths tuition at nites... crazy rites... i was so bloody hell tired.. so i jus cancelled ma tuition witout tellin ma dad... i dun even intend to tell him... i mean.. to haf 2 tuition in a dae is so like crazyily fucked up! sheesh!!!! so i was in da off mood.. luckily ma frens were der to cheer mi ups... hehe... but thn again afta tt..., my mood chnged afta ma dad sent impx n zu home... he was like naggin2 all da wae.. i switched off... cant b bothered ta listen.... im sick of it already...

so tdae is fridae... haha.. i was in a bad mood in da morn.. cus firstly.. i was daym tired n sleepy.. secondly... i gotta do all dis cultural thingy maself.. i mean onlie mie n impx... thn all dey do is ask..." howes da thing? finish already? isit nice??" i was like wtf?!!! im doin all dis by myself n ur not even offerin anie sincere help to us... gawd daym bloody hell sia... so i was in da ooff mood till afta mt period... n he saw mie... i noe he did... but i dint look at him... i jus pretend i dint see....n alnuther reason is cus hes gurl was starin at mie.... get lost la.... so afta tt had rehearsal or kinda briefin fer da cultural thingy.. suppose ta haf dis tourism thingy at 230.. but it was cancelled... fer sum dunnoe wad reason.. so.. bumped into aisha & gang.. haha.. mi n zu slacked ard wit aisha atiqah zaf .... impx.. felt like shes gotta go home... cus she was sick... so she went home.. n thn later called mie sayin she dint bwin anie key... n noone was at homie.. so afta tt we went ta zus house.. wher she rested... n i almost fell asleep.. but did not cus i noe i wont wake up if i really did fall asleep.. haha... so styed der till six.. n went homies..

so nowe here i m ritin u dis blogg... hhee.. moro got arts note.. n im goin wif him..!!! yeay.. hehe... n impx goin wit a**im... haha... n zu? i dunnoe... haha... fun fun.. so ill updatie more moro yar.. if im not tireds lor... haha okie??

Kkz.. till nex tyme..!!!
*muackx!*
LOVE YA LOAD!!!
nitey nite peeps!!!

gawd... howe m i supposed to feel?? im losing evrything... why??? i feel so down so sucky.. can u jus stop it wit da one werd answers??? OMG...!!! its freakin mie out...!! i tink by now u tink tt ders no point in talkin wit mie since im not spillin evrythin to u.. not sharin wad i feel... but.. but da thing is.. if i were ever were to spill evrything... its gonna get worse.. n losin u is da last thing on my mind nowe.. i need you.. i do.. i really do... trust u enough tt da smses u sent wernt jus werds.. or mayb i am too stupid to believe in em... i noe u got her.. got her evrydae by ur side.. c her 24/7... frm startin of skewl.. till it ends... n im.. im jus like sum otha gurl... hu u dont take notice.... mayb its not evn in ur mind tt im thinkin bout all dis... it jus hurts... to c... tt situations like dis alwaes cum up.. y cant it b only us...? no one else.. im givin in.. but i dunnoe howe much im giving... i dun mind.. its a no problem fer mie tt u haf another gurl.. cus da tymes shared is deeply treasured.... mayb u cud jus b not so obvious.. n jus reply my msges.. n jus treat mie like da wae u used to.. i dunnoe animore... its not like mie... wad m i sappose to do? no wae im givin up.. heck no... mayb i'll jus try ta bear wit it... n hope things get better...............................................................................

yoz!! haha... waddup dyudez! miss u guys! haha.. k k.. enuff of ma crapz... ermmm... well i turned 15 yest!!! yeay!! haha... wad i did yest hmm...

lemmi update yar.. k wenta skewl.. got many greetins.. well.. at ard 12 midnite.. got msges frm hasli, impz, meiyan, hanafi... thn later in skewl got sum from ma frens... fina zu imps [again] oda aisha n gang rafie also hehe.... n also adam dan n all.. haha...
dint noe peeps frm ma class got a card fer mie... really thoutful of dem.. thnks guys! lucky fer mie.. dint get saboed by anione...radhz told mie she brought an egg to skool but it broke wile on her wae to skewl.. haha... dinie dan adam all planned ta sabo mie afta skewl... haha .. like real onlie... lolx.. wait2 also nvr appear... waste my tyme.. haha... jokin2... thn afta skewl went outs.. zu had cramps all oer so we stayed fer a wile under a foid deck.. take care of her.. went ta library a wile ta wisk awae all her payne..haha...afta tt slacked ard at interchange.. its fridae! haha.. but dint get ta c ma neighbour! sobs.. so long nvr c him...stayed der til ard 2++ thn went home... got chnged.. n later went outs again.. hey its ma bdae mann! no wae im sittin at homies!!!! n guess wad.. ma dad called mie n asked mie wether i studied already...i was like wad da fuck?? study??? on my dae?? cant i jus get sum rest n enjoy...?? awae frm all ur no reason naggings??? irritin mann.. thn ma mood chnged sia... n i made a dcision of nt talkin wen at home.. talk onlie wen i need to...dun hafta waste ma energy... conserve fer sumone else better...!!wel.. met up wit zu n odz... took neoprints... nyce mann.. mayb ill upload it here...!! haha...afta tt i went ta meet up wit... went ta da beach.. n zu tagged along.. dint getta really have da tyme...? n da sky was not nyce...sheesh! haha... went back ard 7 plus... dint get in da sayme bus s zu.. i dun feel like it? n ma mind was full of stuffies... took da nex bus... i dunnoe wher ta stop.. so stopped at intchnge... not many ppl though.. haha... took da bus.. n headed fer home.. ! which i totally draged!!! reached home.. aper lagi..! online ah!!! haha.. but not manie happenin contact online so went offline at 11... thn watched tv.. slept thru da nite.... n all tt happened yest...

well.. tdae... went ta skewl.. had dis crystal thingy... suppose to b der at 845? but reached at nine... n evryone was like in half skewl u... n mi n imps were wearin jeans n class tee.. both of us wore jeans... mine is bum n hers is guess... wore pink hairband.. [wich is so unexpected] wore dc shoes...!!! n she wore da orange version of 306 class tee.. n i wore da black one.. haha.. so we were like almost da sayme!!! gawd!!! sibuk ah kau!!! haha... afta tt went ta central.. walked ard.. thn dcided ta haf lunch.. so wenta banquet...ate der.. saw imps cuzzy.. okay2 lar.. btter thn his alfro fren.. disgustin mann... haha...thn went back ta tamp.. walked ard.. n bumped into ma cuzzy... haha... went ard central.. borin manx... we walked.. wenta popular.. to get their stuffies.. thn went homies... my "HOME SWEET HOME!" played net.. surfed till 5 . 20 ++ thn went out of house at 530 cus haf religious clas... n it start at 530.. haha.. dun like cumin early aniwae... can alwaes give excuse tt i haf skewl earlier.. haha... nowe at home.. tot mayb ma parents were goin ta ma grannies house.. so i can topup ma wallet.. not tt its dry la.. but jus topup.. haha... reload! lolx... tmr gonna folloe ma mum.. ma dad asked mie.. wether i want adidas or levis.. i said levis... since i dun haf anie of tt stuff... for adidas i got shoes laready.. so mayb moro gonna get adidas jeans.. n sum clothes frm da fox shop.. nyce mann.. ma burfdae rites.. kebas ah smua.. haha.. k larhz.. guess tts jus bout it lar... nth muchie.. so till nex tyme............


byes...!!! *muackx!!!*
lurve ya!!!
n0 more hie n bye kaes???
-nites-

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wow.. long tyme dint update yar... sheesh! kay kay.. gues i hafta update of wad happened..dat tt wud b on da first dae of skewl... wow dats long.. but iits okay....

hmm.. so wad happened... monday.. got neew tymetable...found out tt foos gonna b teachin our clas... o gawd.. can i die first?? haha... thn sekhars gonna b teachin us cme..tt was okay la..cus he starts blabberin all bout his lyfe n all...interestin...haha...cant quite remember wad happened... cus i guess i haf too much stuffs on ma mind...erasin all da little mayb important n not so important ones...haiz....haha...dint reallie kept in contact wif raf.. he;s different ard mie nowe.. i really regret sayin all those stuff... wish i cud jus keep my mouth shut..still hopin tt sumthin cud happen.. but frm da wae things are goin... i guess not..i really wanna turn back tyme.. i dunnoe if its jus a thing in him or wad... are da werds u said were jus werds? do u ever really meant thm wen u said thm to mie? i realli dunnoe...gawd im fallin fer dis person hu i tink is not evn goin to evn b der fer mie... wad m i suppose to do mann... nvr fall dis wae b4... mayb it will jus b a lesson in lyfe i hafta learn... haiz.. tink positive! tts wad i tink iusually do... haiz... but i really do miss.......evrything...well..da last week had been one hectic one.. realli not tt as fantastic as it wud b.. n las thurs nite...i had / joined tis amaths remedial... wit zu.. it was betta cus i understood more of it... im not gonna slack ard animore.. i really wanna prove ma mates rong... but i haf loads of stuffs ta do.. well.. im in charge of da inter class racial hormaony thingy fer my clas.. i got de idea in ma head.. only i dunno howe to put it down wit a pen n paper... its hard.. cus dey haf really high hopes.. onliy tt da class is not bothered... wad ta do.. gues i gotta do dis all by maself..too manie jobs mann... n dis fridae is ma bdae.. hope i get sum stuffies.. haha.. n moro is adils bdae...hmm shud i get him anything? hmmm... haha... wel... tdae is youth dae,... so its a holidae...!!!! haha... on saturdae.. had talentime auditions... i dint join... but raf's grp..., zu's grp n da BL did... but BL dint get in..song too noisy... dey shouldve listened ta dan.. do da maroon 5 songs... haiz.. afta tt had madrasa... which was daym long.. n bloody hell sleepy one...haiz... sun...went ta bugis.. to get ma mums n bros specks done.. trien on sum.. haha.. reallyy like em.. but specks r jus a waste of tyme n money... haha.. no offence to doz hu wear em yar.... afta tt wenta arab street ta get da kain fer my baju kurong.. i got this sorta dark pink purplish color cloth n checkered bottm fer ma baju.. gonna make it sumthin like kebaya liddat... haha... n another one.. is kinda greenish color... same s ma mum... afta tt wenta parkwae parade...went ta giant to get da kitchen stuff.. saw dis guy...cutes...summore helpin outwif his mum... wit da groceries...hehe.... dint get ta catchh Gilmore Girls.. so i was kinda inan off mood la.... watched tv till ard 12++... afta tt went onliney again... chatted wit sum hyper dude... lolx.. he was happie yest.. n tts good i gues... sent mi tis seputih hati song.. meaninful... =) thnx fer givin mie a smile..! so tdae guess i gotta go n meet zu up.. do hw... n later... c her prac first.. hop i bump into him... *winkx* k guys.. tts jus bout it tdae...
[-[bagaimana lagi yg harus katakann? bila aku tdak boleh berbohong utk mncintainya??]-]

toodles evyone.. love ya loads... *muackx*!!!